I stumbled upon this article at lovethegrows.com early this year when I was doing some research about our Church requirements Pre-Cana Seminar and our Canonical Interview.
Found it interesting and decided to ask the questions to Jowaness during my trip to manila last June.
But it was just refreshing to sit down and answer the questions, dont worry the questions are not threatening but it would just assure you that, you do know what you're getting into and that you know who you are marrying. We did not quarrel about our differences but we compromised :-) see we are in a good start.
I know 100 questions are overwhelming, you could do it over coffee, sipping wine, or maybe while watching TV (which we did)
So just give it a shot. Be open and honest. You never know what can happen.
Sex/Romance/Love
If we eliminated physical attraction from our relationship, what would be left?
What is the best way for me to show that I love you?
If I put on weight, will it affect our sexual relationship? How?
Is it important for you to know that I'm a virgin? Why or why not?
What do I do that causes you to question my love?
What turns you off sexually?
How would our relationship be affected if for medical reasons we could not have children?
Do you think being in love means: (1) Never having to say you're sorry,
(2) Always having to say you're sorry, (3) Knowing when to say you're
sorry, or (4) Being the first to say I'm sorry?
The Past
Which childhood experiences influence your behavior and attitude the most?
Could any feelings of affection and romance be revived if you met a
previous boyfriend/girlfriend even though you feel strongly committed to
me?
Is there anything in your past I should be aware of?
What did you dislike the most about your previous partners?
If your past boyfriends/girlfriends listed your most negative characteristics, what would they be?
Do you keep letters and memorabilia from past relationships? Why or why not?
Are you comfortable continuing this relationship if there are things in my past that I am not willing to share with you?
Have you ever been involved in any criminal activities? What were they?
Did your mother or father abuse each other or you in any way- sexually, emotionally, or physically?
Have you ever been able to overcome a bad habit? What was it?
Have you ever been violent in past relationships?
Trust
Have there been times when you were uncomfortable with the way I behaved with the opposite sex? If so, when and what did I do?
What do I do now or what could I do in the future that would make you mistrust me?
Would you be comfortable transferring all your money into my bank account?
Who comes first, your spouse or your children?
Is trust automatic until something occurs that takes it away, or does it evolve over time?
Do you trust me with money?
Is it permissible for us to open each other's mail?
The Future
How are we different? Could this be a source of future conflict? Do our differences complement each other?
Do you anticipate maintaining your single lifestyle after we are
married? That is, will you spend just as much time with your friends,
family and work colleagues? Why or why not?
How did your family resolve conflicts when you were growing up? Do you
approve or disapprove of that method? what will you change or not change
to resolve conflicts in your future family?
Is there anything about marriage that frightens you?
Would you prefer to live in the city, the country, or by the beach? Why?
If I wanted to move away from our families for work, would you support me?
How would it affect you if I travel on my own frequently to (1) visit
family, (2) earn income, (3) pursue a hobby, or (4) deal with stress?
Suppose we are experiencing trouble in our marriage. In what order will
you seek help from the following to resolve our conflicts: (1) divorce
lawyer, (2) your parents, (3) a brother or sister (4) a marriage
counselor, (5) me, (6) a church leader? Why?
How will you support my hobbies?
How do you feel about having our parents come to live with us if the need arises?
Is there anything you would regret not being able to do or accomplish if you married me?
How will we schedule holidays with our families?
Children
Do you want children?
Do you want children?
If we are unable to have children, should we adopt?
Do you anticipate raising our children (1) the same way you were raised
(2) completely differently from the way you were raised (3) a mixture of
both?
How long would you like to wait before having children?
Other than formal schooling, what types of education will our children get and how will they receive them?
When we have children, who will change the diapers, heat the bottles,
prepare the meals, do the housework, bathe the child, get up in the
middle of the night when a child is crying, take the child to the
doctor, buy clothing, and dress the child?
What types of discipline would you implement to correct a child's or a
teenager's behavior? Were these practices you experiences or are they
new ones you have developed on your own?
Annoyances
If I had bad breath or body odor or wear dirty clothes, will you tell
me? Should I tell you? Why or why not? How should we do it?
What is nagging? Do I nag? How does it make you feel?
DO you approve without reservation of the way I dress?
What does my family do that annoys you?
Would it bother you if I made body noises all the time, like passing gas or burping?
Is there anything you do in your line of work that I would disapprove of or that would hurt me?
Do you believe that you should stick with a marriage if you are unhappy all the time?
When do you need space away from me?
Communication
Whenever we have difficult feelings about each other, should we (1)
remain silent, (2) say something as soon as the difficult feelings
arise, (3) wait a certain amount of time before raising the issue, or
(4) do something else? If so, what?If you always say you are going to do something but never do it, what is the most effective way to bring this problem to your attention?
What did you admire about the way your mother and father treated each other?
What is the best way for me to communicate difficult feelings about you so that you are not offended?
Who should know bout the arguments we have?
What makes you not want to talk to me?
Do you feel you could communicate with me under any circumstance and about any subject?
Finance
What justifies going into debt?
What are all your current personal debts?
Do you feel stress when facing financial problems? How do you deal with that stress?
How often do you use credit cards, and what do you buy with them?
How should we prepare for a financial emergency?
Do you feel that lack of money is a good reason not to have children?
When our child is born, will he or she go to daycare or will one of us stay home to take care of the child? Who will it be?
Will we have a budget?
Who will pay the bills?
How do you feel about helping me pay my debts?
What are your feelings about saving money?
Do you prefer separate bank accounts or assets in different names? Why?
Miscellaneous
How would you rank all the priorities in your life: work, school, family, spouse, friends, hobbies, and chuch? Does your ranking reflect the amount of time you spend on each?
Are you closer to your mother or father? Why?
Do you prefer a set daily work schedule or flexible work activities and timetables?
What do you fear?
What influence, if any, do you believe my family should have on our relationship?
Do you believe that our parents should know our financial condition, whether good or bad, just because they want to? How far should this go?
What are your views on pornography?
How would you react if our son or daughter told us they were gay?
Do you harbor any racial prejudice?
How do you feel about having guns in our home?
Is there anyone close to you who feels we should not get married? Why? Should we discuss this?
What health problems do you have?
Have you ever had any psychological problems?
When you are in a bad mood, how should I deal with it?
Do you like pets?
To download: Printable Version
Hmm? this gave me an idea, maybe on our yearly anniversary we would re-visit these questions.. I can't wait :-)
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